Caregiver Notes
Memory care tour questions adult children should ask
Quick answer: On a memory care tour, ask for daytime and overnight staff-to-resident ratios on the memory care unit (not the whole building), who is on the floor overnight, elopement protocol, what the monthly rate includes versus extras, and whether the community accepts Medicaid if money runs out. Write answers down in front of staff. Tour questions are an organizer checklist — not medical, legal, or financial advice. Verify everything in the written contract.
The first memory care tour I took for my mom, I asked about the dining room and whether she could keep her recliner. I left with a glossy folder and a monthly price that felt like the answer. It wasn't.
What I needed was a list I could hold in my hand when the marketing director smiled and steered me past the locked doors. Adult children touring for a parent aren't shopping for a senior lifestyle brochure. You're trying to find out who will be in the hallway at 2 a.m. when she tries to go home.
Print this. Ask the hard ones out loud. Write the answers down in front of them — that alone changes the conversation.
Staffing — the questions that matter more than the lobby
- What is the daytime staff-to-resident ratio on the memory care unit — and the overnight ratio? Ask for the unit, not the whole building. Day and night are different jobs.
- Are those ratios contractual or a marketing average? "We aim for…" is not the same as "we staff at…"
- Who is on the floor overnight — CNAs, med techs, a nurse? Get titles. Ask who can give PRN meds at 3 a.m.
- What is your turnover for direct care staff in the last 12 months? High turnover means your parent re-trains strangers every month.
- Can I meet the nurse who will actually know my parent — not only the tour guide? If that person is never available, note it.
Medications and clinical care
- Who manages meds — facility nurse, outside pharmacy, or both? Ask how changes from the neurologist get into the MAR.
- How fast do you call family when a med is refused or a behavior changes? Get a number of hours, not "we keep you informed."
- Do you accept hospice in place, and which agencies? Leaving for a new building mid-hospice is a crisis you can avoid.
- What happens when she needs more help with eating, toileting, or transfers? Level-of-care bumps often mean a higher rate — ask when and how much.
- How do you handle psychotropic meds and behavior plans? You want a process, not a shrug.
Wandering, exits, and safety
- Is the memory care unit secured? How — keypad, mag lock, wander-guard bracelets? Ask to see the door, not a diagram.
- What is your elopement protocol — who is notified, and how fast? Ask for the last drill or a recent incident (without names).
- Can residents go into a courtyard alone? Is it locked from the outside? Outdoor access is great until it isn't supervised.
- Cameras: where are they, who watches live, and can family review after an incident?
- Fall response — how soon is family called, and when do you send to ER vs. in-house assessment?
Fees, contracts, and what happens if money runs out
- What is included in the quoted monthly rate — and what is always extra? Incontinence supplies, med admin, activities, laundry, cable, escort to appointments — get the list in writing.
- Community fee / move-in fee: how much, and is any of it refundable if she doesn't settle?
- How often do rates increase, and what was last year's average increase?
- If her money runs out, do you accept Medicaid — and is there a bed hold or a waitlist to convert? Many memory care units are private-pay only. Ask the ugly question on the tour, not six months after move-in. (For cost context, see how families actually pay for memory care.)
- What notice do you give before a discharge for nonpayment or "higher needs"? Get the contract section. Read the eviction / discharge language before you sign.
- If she goes to hospital, how many days do you hold the room — and at what rate?
Daily life, visits, and how you'll actually stay connected
- Visit policy — any hours when family cannot come? Memory care that walls off evenings needs a reason.
- Can I eat a meal with her? Can siblings drop in unannounced? Unannounced visits tell you more than scheduled ones.
- How do you handle sundowning on this floor — staffing, quiet space, meds?
- Activities: who leads them, and what happens for residents who won't join a group? "We have a calendar" is not a plan for someone who paces.
- Personal belongings — what gets locked, what walks off, and how do you label things?
- Who is the point person when I call — and do they know her by name within two weeks?
What I wish I'd written down before we signed
Tour when they don't expect you if you can — a weekday afternoon and a weekend evening are different buildings. Smell the hallway. Watch how staff talk to residents who aren't your parent. Ask one question the brochure can't answer: "Tell me about a resident who didn't work out here, and what you did."
Bring the POA and a one-page med list. Bring a sibling on a second tour so you're not the only person who heard the promises. And before the deposit check clears, know where the house, the insurance, and the accounts stand — a move into memory care starts clocks most families don't hear about until the mail piles up at an empty address.
Start with the free checklist — or the $9 First-Fire Kit
Touring is one job. The documents that keep care paid for are another. Get the 7 documents list free, or the three first-fire tools for $9.
Free 7 Documents Checklist →Quick questions
What staffing questions matter most on a memory care tour?
Ask daytime and overnight staff-to-resident ratios on the memory care unit, whether ratios are contractual or marketing averages, who is overnight and who can give PRN meds, and direct-care turnover in the last 12 months.
Should I ask about Medicaid and rate increases on the tour?
Yes. Ask what the quoted rate includes versus extras, how often rates rise, last year’s average increase, and whether Medicaid conversion exists if private pay runs out.
What safety questions should I ask about wandering?
Ask how the unit is secured, the elopement protocol and notification speed, courtyard access, camera coverage, and fall response / family notification.
What should I bring to the tour?
A printed question list, POA if available, a one-page med list, and a way to write answers down. A second family member on a later tour helps.
Is this legal or medical advice?
No. Practical caregiver notes. Facilities and contracts vary by state — verify in writing and with qualified professionals.
This isn't medical, legal, or financial advice — it's practical notes from a caregiver perspective on questions adult children often wish they'd asked on a memory care tour. Facilities, contracts, staffing, Medicaid participation, and discharge rules vary by state and by community, and they change. Verify everything in the written agreement and with the facility; for decisions specific to your parent, talk with their clinician, an elder-law attorney, or another qualified professional.